I Lied

Once again, I lied. I said, that’s the last cigarette, that’s the last drink, that’s . . . whatever. I lied. Five minutes later I lit the next cigarette and poured myself another one. Because I felt like it. Not because I needed it, not because my will was too weak, no . . . simply because I felt like it. Just because fuck it.
I am fascinated by the human ability to lie, especially to themselves.
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Listening to Eine Sirba from 17 Hippies. Enjoying it. Two in the morning, drumming on the table, drinking my third ouzo (the one I said to myself I wouldn’t drink) after a bottle of wine, halfheartedly hoping I am not disturbing my neighbors. It’s not the music, I have headphones on, but the drumming. Or maybe the whistling. I have a horrible tendency to whistle to the music I am hearing, and when I have headphones on I can’t hear myself whistling, so it is in all likelihood completely out of tune (got a good ear, always in tune if I am listening), which would, presumably, make the disturbance worse. Sometimes I wonder if all the women who left me did it because of the whistling, out of tune or not.
Probably they can’t hear me, I think to myself. The neighbors, that is. Another little lie, maybe. I never hear them, except when the new neighbor next door taps her toothbrush in the morning. She’s a cute young blonde who always looks sad. Her bathroom, that is to say her bathroom sink, apparently, is attached to the wall where my head rests on my pillow in bed on the other side. Every morning she taps her toothbrush against the sink in a certain way: tap-tap, tapetetap-tap (took me a while to figure out what sound that was). Jesus. Like a damned alarm clock. I know then that it is 6:45 am. Way too early for me. I don’t hear a thing otherwise, she probably showers and all, but it’s just the tapping I hear. It’s really bizarre actually, and I have to grin every morning when I hear it. Then I fall asleep again, in the comfortable knowledge that she has at least derived some sort of satisfaction from tapping her toothbrush against the sink the way she always does.
But I digress. Lies. Well, I say to myself, don’t take them too seriously, those lies. And don’t worry about the whistling. If I can put up with toothbrush-tapping at 6:45 am, they can put up with whistling at all hours. Ahem.
Can’t seem to stop digressing today. Now listening to Chest Fever from The Band. I don’t know why, but I just love the organ melody in that song. That’s no lie. More ouzo… another cigarette. And now Demon Kitty Rag from Katzenjammer. Yep.
So, I’m on a roll now. Gotta work tomorrow, and that’s the reason I lied to myself that I would not drink anything after that bottle of wine. I just know that no bus will come and knock me on my ass on the way to work, so I’ll have to deal with the hangover all by myself. Oh w4ll . . . Dammitz . . . hard to type with a cigarette between your fingers. Never could stand having the thing hanging in my mouth for more than two seconds. Lithium from Nirvana. Yeah. Yea-yeaaa-yeah. Not gonna crack, and so on. Turn it up.
Oh. Mekons. Dancing in Your Head. One of my favorites. A song that literally forces me to drum on the top of my desk. And whistle to the guitar riff . . . sorry, neighbors. Not. Another lie.
Ah, hell. I’m going to bed. Hah, I lied! But I will, soon, just one more . . .
Mr. Hellstrøm whistles to Down By the River from Milky Chance.

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True Lies

Everything I tell you is a lie. That’s the truth.
In every good lie lies the truth. The truth in a lie is like the pollen in a flower. It hopes you will gather it up and spread it around. Lies are bad, but they aren’t evil… their just hopeful. They want to be spread all over. Like any species, they want to survive. Fortunately, they have humans to pollenate them. Ever growing fields of lies, mutating and multiplying, covering the earth until there is nothing else left. You can try to root them out, but their roots are so deep in the human psyche that you can never get rid of them entirely. And in every single one of them lies a kernel of truth. That is what makes them so attractive, you wouldn’t believe them otherwise. Lies are possibilities. It could be that way. Or not. You’ll never know, because you’re a gardner who can’t distinguish between weeds and flowers. You’ll believe what you want to believe, because truth is also subjective, or, as Bob Dylan once put it, truth is on many levels.
iris-558503_640The survival of the human race is based on lies. The first ape who stood up on his hind legs and yelled at a predator to scare him away told a lie. He said, I am bigger than you and you better scoot off, you son-of-a-bitch, or you’ll remember the day. The predator believed the lie, and that was the beginning of it all. That ape was probably pretty damned surprised that it worked, that spontaneous lie, and, of course, he never forgot that experience. Belief can make a lie true. What a lesson that was!
And, since that day, apes being the repetitive animals that they are, lies have ruled the world. True lies.

Lying to Yourself

Nothing is better ingrained in the human psyche than lying to yourself. Who, after all, knows you better? There is no one on this world who can fool you better than you can. You fool.
The question is, who lies to himself better? Have you ever met someone who lies to themselves better than you lie to yourself? I’ll bet you have, and you felt like an idiot after it came out that they’d fooled even you. They sounded convincing, didn’t they? Because they lied so well that they believed in it themselves, totally. But it served their purpose: to convince those around them.
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I am certain that this is an evolutionary phenomenon. Humans have removed themselves from the natural cycle to such an extent that they have an evolution all their own. That means that our crazy, big-brained thoughts and desires have a huge influence on our evolution. Our brains are far too large for our own good. We all lie to ourselves, and the lies influence what we and those around us do. They influence which mate we choose. They influence how we treat our children. They influence everything.
I once read a sci-fi novel where a race was described in which the females had, through natural selection, become stupid. The males of this race believed the lies they told themselves with regard to the superiority of males over females to the point where they preferred females who were not quite as uppity, who didn’t argue all the damned time… and so on. Hell, I can understand that! (Mr. Hellstrøm does the Groucho eyebrow thing). And over the millennia, this led to the stultification (wow, that is a cool word, I didn’t even know I knew that word until just now) of the females, to the point where they were hardly more than helpmates, a means to reproduction. They could hardly even speak anymore, such was the loss of intellectual capability.
So, you see what lies can lead to. The little lies you tell yourself could influence the entire evolution of mankind. Perhaps they have already… Jesus. Look out.