I don’t hate anyone. I pity some, and I know many who I’d rather not be around. There are a few I can stand, there are even fewer I am fond of. The people I love I can count on one hand, those that are still alive, at least. To count what people call true love, I only need a single finger. Unfortunately that finger is slowly becoming dysfunctional, due to dis- or misuse (take your pick).
Should I pursue women? God knows I could use one. I mean, just to keep me warm, in bed, for Christ’s sake. For the company. For the feeling of not being alone, for the simple intimacy. Simple intimacy… is it simple? Will any female do? One might think I am experience enough to know, but, bloody hell, I am not, and I don’t.
I love women, and exactly that is the problem. I fall in love. Undying love. But maybe she’s just a little bitch who doesn’t give a flying damn.
Nevertheless, I admit I am afraid of giving up my aspiration to true love. If I give that up, what is left? Solace. Comfort. On the face of it, not bad things… but I want more.
Just as an aside: I may not be pursuing a woman just now, but I am pursuing my third bottle of wine, so you can’t take any single word I write on its face value at this point.
So I am slowly coming on to the trickster level now. I’d accept being coupled, take advantage of the situation, be bloody charming (for those who are wondering, yes, I can be truly charming, when I want to), for Christ’s sake. I’d make the best of me, just to have a woman by my side right now.